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"Why I'm Mad At Dayton"

When we have a bad experience, I blame the city where it happened. 
The whole damn place. Let them work it out.
We worked in Dayton twice. 
I naturally have a grudge against the town, 
though we didn't meet everybody there, 
because of the way we were treated 
by the bunch we met. 
They were enough for a test group.

The first time was a big freebie for radio station WONE-AM. 
We got lousy treatment, and some equipment stolen by the other band. 
They had a hit named, "Billy, Don't Be A Hero." 
I forgot the group name. 
Somebody and the Champs. 
Or Chimps.

Then again, after our popularity had dropped off some, 
we were working hotels and lounges, 
and wound up in a place in Dayton called The Tiffany Inn. 
Everybody in Dayton seemed to be a critic. 
We could do no right. 
Our agent took us around to see local groups and they were the WORST! 
But Dayton loved them! 
One place was like an old '40s roadhouse with a society dance band. 
The front man sang like Bing Crosby. 
That wouldn't be bad, 
but he was trying to sing Kool and the Gang's "Celebration".

At another club there was a duo sitting behind 
what was supposed to look like two keyboards, 
with window curtains hanging down from them, covering their legs. 
It was camouflage. 
The guy had a little self-playing Radio Shack keyboard, 
and she was just sitting behind a plain board pretending to play. 
They dazzled Dayton with their footwork, 
which was a continuous flow of old corny dirty jokes. 
Our agent thought we ought to be more like them.

I lived in Miamisburg, the next town, for a while and liked it, 
but I'm mad at Dayton. 
And Akron too. 
They should put them together with Augusta, GA., and Vicksburg, MS., 
so we could avoid them all at once.

In Vicksburg we played to a packed house on a Friday and Saturday night, 
and didn't get paid. 
A bunch of bouncers and the owner's cop friends helped to throw us out. 
Our crime was asking for our pay. 
John Anderson had stopped in. 
I'm sorry he had to witness that scene. 
These are the things we (sob) laugh at later.

Don't even ask about Akron! 
We did make one friend there. He was a bookie.

Odds are there are nice people in these places. 
I say that with as much sincerity as I can work up. 
We happened to meet the jerks. 
Then again, maybe everybody is just as bad. 
If you know any nice people there, please let me know. 
I'd like to meet them.

Copyright  April 23, 2001 by Jack Blanchard. All Rights Reserved.


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